Toll Free Number on Self-Deportation Program

We have previously reported on ICE’s invitation to aliens to self deport themselves. Pretty dumb, of course. Sandip Roy of New America Media has these observations:

It’s good to know that despite the colossal mess the country’s immigration system is in, the government is working overtime to fix it.

For example, coming up with something like ICE Scheduled Departure Program for non-criminal fugitive aliens.

It’s so simple, it’s brilliant.

In a nutshell you turn yourself in and you deport yourself. In a tottering economy, you save the tax payers thousands of dollars. And you have the privilege of deporting yourself.

Ask not what ICE can do for you. Ask what you can do for ICE. Like its job, I guess.

There’s even a handy 1-866 toll free number you can call if “you are an immigration fugitive and have questions about whether you qualify for the Scheduled Departure Program.”

I didn’t dare try it out but I imagine it could go like this.

“If you are an illegal immigrant please press 1. Para Espanol marque dos.

Please listen to our menu carefully. Our deportation options have changed.

If you are an illegal immigrant and have no criminal record please press 1.

If you are an illegal immigrant with a criminal record, please press 2.

You have pressed 2. Please state your name and address clearly after the tone. An ICE agent will come by shortly to detain you. Thank you for your cooperation.” Click here for the rest of his comments.

bh